In the years since my mother died, I have gone overboard not to be like her in certain ways.
She was opinionated and cared nothing for how her opinions were stated or received. I on the other hand am very aware of how things are stated as well as how they are received - at least I try to be. And moreso I am aware of any time I begin to sound like my mother. So I try to be even less harsh when I express negative opinions.
And yet in the past week I have found myself on edge because I have been accused of speaking too harshly, of expressing a negative opinion in a way that "makes you sound like a bitch" (my daughter's words as she critiqued an email I had sent in response to an email thread).
So tell me - how do you accurately express your negative opinions and yet not step on anyone? When there is an emotionally-charged issue, there are bound to be people on both sides ... is it possible to truly express one's feelings without offending anyone?
In response to this particular issue, I have decided simply not to express my opinions at all until others have had their say. I do not want to attempt to sway others to my way of thinking, for this issue is truly one where a person must decide on his/her own in accordance with his/her beliefs. But is it best to keep my thoughts to myself on a topic where to express negative (opposing) opinions may brand one anti- or uncaring or even judgmental? At the very least politically incorrect?
So tell me friends - how do you make sure you do not offend others in such a situation and yet join in the "discussion"? Without making it an argument ... without driving people away or discounting their opinions?
I am open to suggestions and counsel, as this issue will not be settled for some time. And I want to be as understanding and positive as possible even though I might have opposing views from others in the conversation.
I'm listening!
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One of the best things I have learned in the leadership classes I've taken is on ways to improve my communication skills. I've got a long way to go, but at least now I know what skills I *should* be using.
ReplyDeleteWhen dealing with emotionally charged issues, what I've been taught is to make it clear that you are talking about *your* feelings and views and not that you are invalidating the other person.
It's definitely not easy, especially over email. I've gotten into the habit of saving a draft of my email and either having someone I trust read it or at least waiting a few hours to re-read it myself to make sure the tone is really the one I want to convey before I hit send.
On this issue, I think it is definitely better to share views rather than keeping silent. As someone who isn't sure where they stand, I definitely want to hear both sides and learn as much as I can while I'm trying to discern the right path. At the same time, I know that some people on both sides of the issue will think I'm totally out of line for even considering not agreeing with their beliefs. My hope is that we can have an open, honest discussion while remembering that we are all sincerely trying to follow our Maker's will.