Is it just me?

In the years since my mother died, I have gone overboard not to be like her in certain ways.

She was opinionated and cared nothing for how her opinions were stated or received. I on the other hand am very aware of how things are stated as well as how they are received - at least I try to be. And moreso I am aware of any time I begin to sound like my mother. So I try to be even less harsh when I express negative opinions.

And yet in the past week I have found myself on edge because I have been accused of speaking too harshly, of expressing a negative opinion in a way that "makes you sound like a bitch" (my daughter's words as she critiqued an email I had sent in response to an email thread).

So tell me - how do you accurately express your negative opinions and yet not step on anyone? When there is an emotionally-charged issue, there are bound to be people on both sides ... is it possible to truly express one's feelings without offending anyone?

In response to this particular issue, I have decided simply not to express my opinions at all until others have had their say. I do not want to attempt to sway others to my way of thinking, for this issue is truly one where a person must decide on his/her own in accordance with his/her beliefs. But is it best to keep my thoughts to myself on a topic where to express negative (opposing) opinions may brand one anti- or uncaring or even judgmental? At the very least politically incorrect?

So tell me friends - how do you make sure you do not offend others in such a situation and yet join in the "discussion"? Without making it an argument ... without driving people away or discounting their opinions?

I am open to suggestions and counsel, as this issue will not be settled for some time. And I want to be as understanding and positive as possible even though I might have opposing views from others in the conversation.

I'm listening!

Random thought

Just a quick post this morning...

Thinking about the things that come with advancing years: experience, maturity, wisdom, friends and freedom.

Yes - freedom!

A few weeks ago we took a trip to Dallas - we are not prone to flying, preferring to see where we are going on the way to where we are going, but time required that mode of transportation. I have not flown in years, and am usually petrified. So I asked my Christian Sisters to keep us in prayer, and the flights - both there and back - caused me no anxiety!

I have been thinking about this in the ensuing few weeks, and realize that there are things I do now, that I would have been scared to do in the past, that do not make me nauseous and faint. I can have blood drawn at the lab and get a check-up at the doctor's office. I have made dental appointments that do not fill me with dread.

There are still things that scare me - like colonoscopies and spiders and bats - but the fact the some things of which I used to be dreadfully afraid are manageable makes me believe that I will be able to conquer other fears as well...

Freedom from fear.

Oh - and that empty nest thing? It gives you the freedom to have whatever for dinner. It gives you the freedom to choose the channel, or leave the tv off. It gives you the freedom to come home early or late and not have to think of any schedules except one's own. And there's the freedom to then plan those evenings to meet with one's own interests and goals. And that of one's spouse, of course.

Are you enjoying the freedoms that come with being over 50? Please share!

It's been a bit since I sat down to write here ... we have just returned from a week at the Gaylord Texan where my husband was at a conference...

I was thinking about greeting cards this week... we have a number of birthdays and anniversaries that occur among friends and family this month (August) and I am sadly not as good as was my mother about sending greeting cards... not that I don't intend to do so, but I forget to buy them before the day of the occasion, and then I shrug and say "I'll just drop an email" or "I'll say happy birthday on Facebook"...

But think about it. There are still times and people for whom a real greeting card is better - and well appreciated.

Certainly people older than 50 appreciate real greeting cards (and real hand-written notes too). They like to receive them and display them. They are not as excited about the e-greetings of the electronic generation, even if they are more eco-friendly.

People who are ill or in the hospital, or home recovering from injury or surgery, like to have those paper cards to sit or hang around the room to remind them of the people who think of them, pray for them, and care about them. It brings them warmth and cheer, especially when friends and family members are farther away.

When there is a death, it is once again a time for that hard-copy card that brings sympathy and thoughts and prayers to the bereaved. They too can be displayed or just piled in a basket - just the sight of that collection of good wishes can bring comfort.

Weddings always seem a time for cards, as well as graduations and confirmations. Really - any time a gift is appropriate so is a greeting card.

I have a friend who is so thoughtful about cards - she sends them at all the right times - thinking of you cards and get well cards that are sent when needed, and holiday cards that arrive just at the right time. And they are cards with just the right words, almost as though the card has been created just for the occasion and recipient.

My mother used to buy tons of cards. New home cards, for instance, were always difficult to find, so when she found one she liked she'd buy several to keep on hand. Thinking of you cards were another - she would buy one of every one she liked on the shelf when she was at the store.

So I have decided to once again pull out all those cards that are still here from my mother. I have them sorted by occasion. They will be placed where I can easily grab them and send them. Then I will begin to adopt her habit of grazing through the cards at the store and picking out ones that will be good to have on hand. I will have my letter-carrier husband replenish my supply of Forever Stamps, and I will once again begin to send cards at the appropriate times.

Think about it - don't you have cards you have really enjoyed - even kept?

Oh - and when you receive cards that you aren't going to store away - find crafty people who need the fronts for projects! then toss the other part in the recycling...

More another day - there are cards to address!

Yesterday I had an inspiration for today's post. But this morning I have had an experience that will put the other off till later in the week: I stood at my kitchen window and watched squirrels and bunnies frolic in my yard.

Seems simple, right? Almost a non-event. But therein lies the issue. We too seldom take the time for those simple joys. I had opened the window to allow the unexpected gift of cool air into the house before the summer heat and humidity take over. I lingered for just a minute, putting the final touches on my mental list of chores- to-accomplish-before-the-temperatures-rise. That minute came with a reward.

Around the corner came a squirrel, so I greeted him (hey there Squirrelly) and began to step away when another arrived. So I stayed and watched. A third squirrel joined in and they raced and ran around the tree, through the bottom tray of the chiminea and then around it, back around the tree and around the shed... the three of them covering ground swiftly.

In the midst of all this, I realized that a brown bunny had arrived on the scene by the lilies that grow along our shed. The bunny was also watching the squirrels (no doubt to make sure he wasn't run over) and both of us were surprised when two more bunnies came slowly into the area. So now I have two separate but co-located shows - like the rings of a circus - in my back yard. The bunnies took up a game of leaping and hide-n-seek, and the squirrels continued to chase (except one who sneaked off to have some of our berries for breakfast) and I remained at the window for at least fifteen minutes just watching the fun.

Which is when it occurred to me that this would be the topic of today's post: take time to enjoy those seemingly-insignificant, almost childish pleasures. One of the reasons this scene is so enjoyable here where I live is that construction has decreased the open land for bunnies and squirrels. People actually complain about the wildlife rather than enjoying the morning (and evening - the bunnies are in our yard then too) entertainment provided by these adorable little creatures.

Having grown up here (yes, right here in this house) I have seen bunnies, squirrels, deer, groundhogs, snakes and foxes either wander through or linger to munch and play ... but in the past 20 years there have been fewer and fewer places in my neighborhood (in our county!) for them to live, so we have fewer furry visitors. This morning to have three bunnies and five squirrels all at one time was such fun! In the evening we see several bunnies, and there is a small herd of deer (about six) who wander through at some point.

Yes, they have found our relocated garden because some neighbors put up a fence that forced the deer to use a different route between fields. But as exasperating as that is, it always thrills me to see that we still have our little herd.

Are you in a city? No wildlife for you to observe? How about birds that sit on windowsills and feeders? What about the flowers in window boxes and planters? What do you see in the shapes of the clouds?

Most important is that we take time for small pleasures: sitting down in the quiet morning hour before others awake - having that cup of coffee or tea while you read Scripture and meditate in the peacefulness before the day's busyness encroaches. Walking to the store or work and watching the people you pass - engaging them with a smile or nod. Observing children playing. Greeting those with whom you share the elevator.

Want to create a simple pleasure for someone else? When you see a lady with a lovely dress in the supermarket, walk up to her and say "that is a lovely dress" and then keep walking. In the elevator, compliment that man over there on his striking tie. See a man in uniform or one with a "retired veteran" hat? Walk up and just say "thank you for your service to our country" - then walk away quickly because he will be embarrassed by the tear that wells up in his eye if you see it. A police officer or firefighter? Wish them a safe shift. Make a co-worker's day by leaving a flower or a piece of candy or a doughnut or whatever on their desk - before they arrive, without telling them who left it... Send a note or card (yes, through the mail) to an elderly shut-in ... or send a cheery email to someone "just because".

Simple pleasures are everywhere, but we are often too rushed - or think we are too grown up - to appreciate them... you see, there are adults who would have looked at those bunnies and squirrels this morning and dismissed them as nuisances or not even noticed them at all.

Please take some time today - and every day - to use some "palm tree time" to enjoy life's simple pleasures ... and share some with others when possible.

Evenings in the livingroom

Do you remember the old days when families would gather in the livingroom during the evening? Like the Cleavers, we sat around in our favorite chair, couch or floor spot. Some evenings we might be watching television. Other evenings each person might be doing something different - reading, doing homework, sewing or reading the newspaper - but we were all together. Once in a while Dad would say "did you see this in the paper today?" or Mom would say "Oh - the Jones's have invited is to their picnic on Saturday" and a brief conversation would ensue; later someone would look up from a textbook and query the group for an answer to a problem or announce in amazement that there was once a time when people thought the earth was flat. Ah, yes... We were each doing our own thing, but we were doing it together.


Recently I have heard people say that computers, the internet, smart phones, texting etc have pulled us apart; that "we no longer communicate the way we used to". And it's true - we need special etiquette memos to remind people about the correct way to conduct themselves when using cell phones and such in the office or social occasions; email and texting have replaced letters and phone calls; and we read more of our news online than under the byline. But this evening I witnessed a flashback to the future:


In our living room, with the evening breeze wafting in the windows, my daughter and son-in-law and I are all in our favorite seats. I have a knotted pile of yarn in my lap (in another blog I will share my latest attempt at learning to crochet, but I assure you the knot had nothing to do with my ability or lack thereof); my daughter is sprawled on the sofa with her laptop and my son-in-law is at the other side of the room with the desktop. It looks like we are not communicating at all. Then I ask Joy if she heard a comment someone made about her Facebook post last night about teaching me to crochet. We chat about my crocheting progress. More silence... then she laughs at something on a blog she is reading and her husband is reading the same thing across the room... they comment. One tells the other to see something on page 14... and so it goes... My husband has now joined us and is chatting with all three of us about an article he just read about Walter Cronkite - you see, his desktop is in a different room and he had been there for a bit.


So the conversation ebbs and flows. A laugh here, a shared story there, a comment somewhere else. And in between there is shared peace and quiet. Snoring beagles on the floor and chirping bugs outside lend to the ambience.


Yes, we may not be communicating the same way. but we can still share an old-fashioned evening in the living room. Each person doing his or her own thing and sharing bits of it - and themselves - with one another.

The Palm tree

Thus far I have written two books - both are collections of short stories - and hope the third collection is published this fall. When I think of time to sit and relax for twenty minutes, I call it "palm tree time". That's time for just relaxing, not trying to solve the problems of my life or the world; not trying to decide what to wear or make for dinner; not even praying. It's time to block out the cares and concerns of life and others. It's time just to "veg" - to watch tv, read a story (hopefully one of mine) or part of a book, or take a nap. Palm tree time is time to recharge the batteries that become so drained from the things we do and the decisions we make each day.



So every day, take some "palm tree time" for yourself - read, nap, do your nails... whatever it is that relaxes you and takes you away from the everyday cares of the everyday world.

Initial thoughts

I have just created this blog, and plan to use it primarily for posts relating to life as a "regular ordinary" woman over 50. All around us are magazines and ads for women who want to look younger, and wish they were younger (you know, the ones who won't admit their age?). There is advice for those who want to dress in the latest styles and wear the latest makeup trends - and for those who shop at the most exclusive stores!


Now we need someplace for those of us who buy clothes at discount stores and thrift shops, work in our own yards, go to church and the grocery store and flea markets ... just ordinary women doing everyday things. And some of the topics will be ... well ... ordinary - not just for women over 50!


So I hope you will bear with my ramblings, perhaps find some advice that you can use, and that you will share your own thoughts from under your Palm Tree. (next time - I'll talk about the Palm Tree)