Wednesday January 31^st 2024

Everyone who knows me knows that I have opinions and freely share them. So they will be surprised (or perhaps relieved) that this week’s word is SILENT.

Not the absence of sound, but rather the kind of silence in “better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and erase all doubt.” OR as it is stated in Proverbs 17:28, “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.“

Already this week I have either extended a conversation beyond its usefulness, or expressed opinions not requested or beneficial. At least three times! It had begun to gnaw at my conscience, and then two posts appeared on Facebook that really drove it home. Yes – this is the word for the week.

Sometimes silence speaks volumes. It can allow space for listening and thinking.

Stephen Covey lists “seek not be understood so much as to understand” as one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. And that understanding requires listening – not just listening to configure a response or to know when you can speak.

In Luke Chapter 1 we read about Zechariah – he questioned God, rather than faithfully and immediately accepting God’s plan, so he was silenced until the birth of John the Baptist. During those following months the people knew he had seen a vision in the temple causing his silence. Then his silence was broken when he announced the name of John.

Sometimes sharing one’s story or opinion is helpful, edifying, and/or encouraging. Sometimes it simply isn’t appropriate or necessary. Discernment here is key, and a period of silence allows discerning.

Yes – sometimes being silent is the same as agreeing, and we do not want to be silent at the wrong times. “Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly.” So said Mahatma Gandhi.

Will Rogers said “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” For some reason this reminded me of Jesus drawing in the dirt while waiting for the crowd to stone the woman caught in adultery (John 8). He didn’t launch into a long sermon – he made a simple statement (“let him who is without sin cast the first stone”) and then sat silently until they were all gone. Then again, one simple statement – “go and sin no more”.

Silence allows us to truly listen, to absorb, to lay our words aside and take in the words of others, to watch the scene before us without simultaneously crafting a response.

Are there times you were called to be silent yet spoke anyway? (note my raised hand)

Here is a prayer I hope you will find helpful: Lord, give me the right words to say, the right time to say them, and the ability to know when to keep silent.”

Is it just me?

In the years since my mother died, I have gone overboard not to be like her in certain ways.

She was opinionated and cared nothing for how her opinions were stated or received. I on the other hand am very aware of how things are stated as well as how they are received - at least I try to be. And moreso I am aware of any time I begin to sound like my mother. So I try to be even less harsh when I express negative opinions.

And yet in the past week I have found myself on edge because I have been accused of speaking too harshly, of expressing a negative opinion in a way that "makes you sound like a bitch" (my daughter's words as she critiqued an email I had sent in response to an email thread).

So tell me - how do you accurately express your negative opinions and yet not step on anyone? When there is an emotionally-charged issue, there are bound to be people on both sides ... is it possible to truly express one's feelings without offending anyone?

In response to this particular issue, I have decided simply not to express my opinions at all until others have had their say. I do not want to attempt to sway others to my way of thinking, for this issue is truly one where a person must decide on his/her own in accordance with his/her beliefs. But is it best to keep my thoughts to myself on a topic where to express negative (opposing) opinions may brand one anti- or uncaring or even judgmental? At the very least politically incorrect?

So tell me friends - how do you make sure you do not offend others in such a situation and yet join in the "discussion"? Without making it an argument ... without driving people away or discounting their opinions?

I am open to suggestions and counsel, as this issue will not be settled for some time. And I want to be as understanding and positive as possible even though I might have opposing views from others in the conversation.

I'm listening!